delayed post. O.O Thursday, March 26, 2009 4:41 AM
I know i know. This blog is on the verge of death, I'm really sorry but I've been really busy lately with studies and stuff. Form 4 is proving to be really tiring and nerve wrecking for me since it's like a whole new realm where I feel like I'm tested beyond my limits and every day passes by and I feel like I'm going through it like a robot, doing everything only for the sake of completing it and forgetting about it a second later. Everything seems meaningless these days and every step I take seems to be wrong.
Sorry for sounding so pessimistic but I just need a place to vent out everything. The first test of March was...alright I guess. I'm a bit disappointed by my results since I studied my arse off, does 'sleepless nights' mean anything to you guys? :l I'm sure we're all going through it. So carry on yeah? :)
And it really didn't make my day when our Maths teacher in giving our ModMaths papers were criticising our every effort and saying stuff like, "the 2007 batch was the best this school has ever seen" or "Maths needs talent and the brains to accomplish it, you have the brains but if you don't have the talent, why pursue something you will NEVER accomplish in". I wanted to cry or slap her because I think if you love something (and I do love Maths) and you're willing to work to be better at it, you can be SUCCESSFUL one day at it. I seriously think what she said was bullshit. Its so obvious that she thinks that we're a bunch of nimwits and that the 4s batch of this year are a disgrace. Sure, you can boast about your past successful students but don't make us feel like we're dirt on your shirt or the pebble in your shoe. It's damn BULL.
I made a vow to myself today.
I, Jaf Reen Natassia Iman bt. Jaf Faizal, hereby vow to prove those RK students and those stuck up teachers of 4S 2009 batch that we, the underdogs can be better than them and will commit herself to studying and improving herself everyday to get at least 7A's and above by the April test or by the Mid-Year Examinations and also we can get an A in the almost impassable Add Maths.
I'm seriously taking this whole thing right to the point. And I've been thinking a lot lately about the metamorphosis I undertook during the past year and where I am now and what happened to my behaviour and aspirations and I have to admit that I actually became someone I hate.
I hate myself, can you believe it? And you know what they say when you hate yourself, you'll hate everyone. I've become a lazy, stuck up, wrapped-up-in-her-own-world, superficial bitch. And I prepared to admit that. Because it's true. But I'm going to right my wrong. I swear that I will change for better or I'll never be able to live with myself. I've treated my friends and family wrongly and used them for my own selfish use. And that goes against every fibre of my body since I've never done that in my entire life, but my morality was so easily turned by the seduction of today's times and addiction. Addiction for popularity and the feeling of being liked by everyone. Addiction to be accepted by everyone.
Accept yourself and others will follow. This is what I say to myself nowadays, starting this week. I don't need to prove myself to anyone, I just need to prove myself that I can do whatever my mind set it to. I've broken confidences, gave away secrets like they're worth nothing and that is WRONG. I was wrong and now, I'm going to change it. Change everything.
I'm sorry to everyone I've insulted, talked bad at, stabbed at the back and everything. I am really sorry.
I've also realised that I haven't been a very good friend to my mates. I'm sorry guys, I had a lapse in my dysfunctional brain and if I've done anything wrong, tell me yea? :)
I resolved to be a better person this year. And that is done first by keeping secrets that people trust me with and proving to my Mum especially that I can make her proud again like those years nack in Melawati and form One when I could do no wrong. I'm sorry Mak for bringing your name down. I've lied so many times to you that I've lost count and eventhough you won't read this I hope that you will see in a few months that I'm trying to make you proud. :)
and I think that this time around, I'm going to stand true to my beliefs. To make my own opinions and not be someone's or anyone's backup eventhough I don't believe in what they're saying. I choose my own road. I want to be an assertive girl who's sure of herself and can be trustworthy to others. ;) That' my resolution, not for 2009 but also for the rest of my life.
Results of the March test: Bahasa Malaysia- 58(C) English-97(A) Modern Mathematics- 66(B) Additional Mathematics- 32(F) Biology- 72(A) Chemistry- 77(A) Physics- 65 (B) Agama Islam- unknown Sejarah-83 (A)
Yes, I know. It's appalling.
And yes, about a certain guy, I've liked him for quite a while, since last year actually, but I've decided to put behind the frivolity of crushes behind me. Crushes and the feeling of liking a certain hot or understanding guy is unavoidable to a girl of my age and with stupid raging hormones but I've decided not to think too much about it and to take no notice of it or not to make a scene. I know I've been crazy about a certain guy lately and I think he and everyone else noticed but maybe, I'm starting to forget about it, just as a mild crush. I'm starting to IGNORE it and Azreen, Alysha, Balqis and Bash, you are spared from hearing me talk on and on about him starting from today. :p I think he knows that I like him but what the hell? XP
crushes are starting to get boring. :P
well, gtg. Need to do revision for next month's test. ;)
p/s: Farah, I hope this LONG LONG post made up for the months of zero updates. XP
jenny:
I am jafreen natassia iman from Earth and is born on
01/12/93, 0100 hours.I'm so unpredictable, I am totally an element that you'd never
ever known, you can;t find it in the periodic table cause no one has even found it- I explode in
your face just like potassium when it touches water, it's really explosive, you should really run
away first before I do spark into flames and burn you alive! I love blasting my music as well,
i'm like addicted to it like drugs.and i'm uncertain of my aspirations. where do you go to know what you're made for?
and god, my total failing is my insecurity and no sense of self-assertiveness. seriously, i SUCK.
this homo-sapien specimen was given a very long&unflattering name on the first of december of 1993.
she hails from the venus clan and was borned under the shining archer, Sagittarius.
being indescribable (hmph!), she loves reading long&boring texts that eludes other normal human beings,
gazing at the beautiful moon&stars from her balcony, listening to screamo&slow songs,
singing offkey and boring everyone to death (you can decipher that literally or figuratively, XP)
she's currently inbetween worlds after going through sixteen years on earth, mostly physically unscathed
but emotionally scarred. her heart was stolen on the twenty first of may by Elisha b. Kamal Basha
but somehow she hasn't alerted the authorities. ;) values her friends highly as they are the
light to shine through her darkness. loves writing stories and abandoning it halfway through. (warning. :p)
and god, she's like a damn klutz that if you gave her a button to judgment day and asked her to take care of it,
she would accidentally press it instead. she could cause the end of the world! XP and she loves to say these stupid things
right from her head. been seen singing and dancing in the rain. believes in kismet.
hello once again, i have been having nightmares. and my sanctuary of star filled skies
and soft flower fields are currently being invaded by aliens and bugs with hailstorms coming in.
inspire me, impress me, embolden me, make me smile. :) i love questioning stuff, i guess i'm those weird people
who can't shut up. and i totally envy people with red hair, don't ask, it's this weird thing
but i won't come up and stare at you just cause' of your hair, god i'm not a stalker.
haha, and i love to laugh out loud, seriously. even when i'm depressive.
though i've been putting on this fake smile for so long, i don't know how i feel right now.
see? even talking/ typing i sound like a lunatic. XP
i'm not sure what to do with my life or this stupid profile at the mo'.
maybe i should give my muses on Olympus a swift kick in their togas to get my brain moving again.
delayed post. O.O Thursday, March 26, 2009 4:41 AM
I know i know. This blog is on the verge of death, I'm really sorry but I've been really busy lately with studies and stuff. Form 4 is proving to be really tiring and nerve wrecking for me since it's like a whole new realm where I feel like I'm tested beyond my limits and every day passes by and I feel like I'm going through it like a robot, doing everything only for the sake of completing it and forgetting about it a second later. Everything seems meaningless these days and every step I take seems to be wrong.
Sorry for sounding so pessimistic but I just need a place to vent out everything. The first test of March was...alright I guess. I'm a bit disappointed by my results since I studied my arse off, does 'sleepless nights' mean anything to you guys? :l I'm sure we're all going through it. So carry on yeah? :)
And it really didn't make my day when our Maths teacher in giving our ModMaths papers were criticising our every effort and saying stuff like, "the 2007 batch was the best this school has ever seen" or "Maths needs talent and the brains to accomplish it, you have the brains but if you don't have the talent, why pursue something you will NEVER accomplish in". I wanted to cry or slap her because I think if you love something (and I do love Maths) and you're willing to work to be better at it, you can be SUCCESSFUL one day at it. I seriously think what she said was bullshit. Its so obvious that she thinks that we're a bunch of nimwits and that the 4s batch of this year are a disgrace. Sure, you can boast about your past successful students but don't make us feel like we're dirt on your shirt or the pebble in your shoe. It's damn BULL.
I made a vow to myself today.
I, Jaf Reen Natassia Iman bt. Jaf Faizal, hereby vow to prove those RK students and those stuck up teachers of 4S 2009 batch that we, the underdogs can be better than them and will commit herself to studying and improving herself everyday to get at least 7A's and above by the April test or by the Mid-Year Examinations and also we can get an A in the almost impassable Add Maths.
I'm seriously taking this whole thing right to the point. And I've been thinking a lot lately about the metamorphosis I undertook during the past year and where I am now and what happened to my behaviour and aspirations and I have to admit that I actually became someone I hate.
I hate myself, can you believe it? And you know what they say when you hate yourself, you'll hate everyone. I've become a lazy, stuck up, wrapped-up-in-her-own-world, superficial bitch. And I prepared to admit that. Because it's true. But I'm going to right my wrong. I swear that I will change for better or I'll never be able to live with myself. I've treated my friends and family wrongly and used them for my own selfish use. And that goes against every fibre of my body since I've never done that in my entire life, but my morality was so easily turned by the seduction of today's times and addiction. Addiction for popularity and the feeling of being liked by everyone. Addiction to be accepted by everyone.
Accept yourself and others will follow. This is what I say to myself nowadays, starting this week. I don't need to prove myself to anyone, I just need to prove myself that I can do whatever my mind set it to. I've broken confidences, gave away secrets like they're worth nothing and that is WRONG. I was wrong and now, I'm going to change it. Change everything.
I'm sorry to everyone I've insulted, talked bad at, stabbed at the back and everything. I am really sorry.
I've also realised that I haven't been a very good friend to my mates. I'm sorry guys, I had a lapse in my dysfunctional brain and if I've done anything wrong, tell me yea? :)
I resolved to be a better person this year. And that is done first by keeping secrets that people trust me with and proving to my Mum especially that I can make her proud again like those years nack in Melawati and form One when I could do no wrong. I'm sorry Mak for bringing your name down. I've lied so many times to you that I've lost count and eventhough you won't read this I hope that you will see in a few months that I'm trying to make you proud. :)
and I think that this time around, I'm going to stand true to my beliefs. To make my own opinions and not be someone's or anyone's backup eventhough I don't believe in what they're saying. I choose my own road. I want to be an assertive girl who's sure of herself and can be trustworthy to others. ;) That' my resolution, not for 2009 but also for the rest of my life.
Results of the March test: Bahasa Malaysia- 58(C) English-97(A) Modern Mathematics- 66(B) Additional Mathematics- 32(F) Biology- 72(A) Chemistry- 77(A) Physics- 65 (B) Agama Islam- unknown Sejarah-83 (A)
Yes, I know. It's appalling.
And yes, about a certain guy, I've liked him for quite a while, since last year actually, but I've decided to put behind the frivolity of crushes behind me. Crushes and the feeling of liking a certain hot or understanding guy is unavoidable to a girl of my age and with stupid raging hormones but I've decided not to think too much about it and to take no notice of it or not to make a scene. I know I've been crazy about a certain guy lately and I think he and everyone else noticed but maybe, I'm starting to forget about it, just as a mild crush. I'm starting to IGNORE it and Azreen, Alysha, Balqis and Bash, you are spared from hearing me talk on and on about him starting from today. :p I think he knows that I like him but what the hell? XP
crushes are starting to get boring. :P
well, gtg. Need to do revision for next month's test. ;)
p/s: Farah, I hope this LONG LONG post made up for the months of zero updates. XP
